


What You Don't Say

by Blue_Night



Series: The Pegasus Alliance [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Slash, Wraith, mind-bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 03:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1494211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Todd spend a special night together...<br/>Set in between 'What You Don't Expect' chapter 17 after the banquet.<br/>This story is about love and trust, even when the famous three words are nowhere mentioned.<br/>This story is about trusting oneself and trusting another person enough that you can all let go without holding anything back in the knowledge that the person you love will still be there and love you after you did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Don't Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonflower1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflower1/gifts).



> Dear Dragonflower1,  
> with this story I want to thank you for all that you've done for me.  
> Your kind feedback right from the start and the support and encouragment during the whole story of 'What You Don't Expect' helped me more than I can say! Because of you I was brave enough to make it as long as it finally is and part of a series. Without you, there would probably be no story about Albert coming soon...
> 
> I have to admit that I probably was a little bit influenced by your John Sheppard from BLP to let my John Shepprad act like he did in chapter 13 and 15 of my story. I searched for a solution because I think that Todd deserves more after all what he has done for John and here it is.  
> This story has no Beta-backup and I want to apologize for the mistakes I surely made!
> 
> I really hope that you will like it!

John took a deep breath when the door of their quarter closed behind him with a dull 'plopp'.

He was tired and exhausted, but his thoughts were spinning in his head like a ride with the merry-go-round and didn't come to an halt.

The occurences of the day were permanently in his mind, especially his talk with Cameron on the scout-ship and he wasn't able to think of anything else.

He was glad to have some minutes of his own.

Todd had to see to some things at the bridge with his second before he would come here, too to spend the night with him.

John slowly walked to the window at the other side of Todd's quarter, which was his quarter for the last two years whenever he was on the Hive, too. To admit, he spent only little time on the Hive. He had always been glad that Todd seemed to sense his discomfort when he had to be on the Hive and that his mate normally tried to spend as much of his time in Atlantis with John as he could manage.

There were only two quarters with a window, this one, normally reserved for the Queen if a Queen was actually on board, and the quarter for the Commander of the Hive which was now the quarter of Todd's second-in-command, Raven.

Musing, he stood at the window and watched the planet with the Wraith-facility turning away under the Hive while he thought about the words Cameron had said to him earlier this day and about what those words finally were including.

For two years, he had tried to avoid such thoughts.

For two years, he had suppressed so many things instead of being able to tackle with them.

Cameron had been right.

It was time to stop running away - from himself, from his emotions and from the person who meant more to him than anyone else in the whole universe.

He heard a sound coming from behind and turned around. He smiled when he saw Todd coming into their quarter.

Todd returned the smile while he undressed his coat throwing it over a chair standing nearby, carelessly.

John was as overwhelmed as he had been so many times before by the elegance and grace of the ancient warrior, by the Wraith's wild and untamed beauty.

Todd lived for over ten-thousand years by now, he had fought against the Ancients, had been the Commander of countless Hives and probably had seen things John couldn't even imagine.

John questioned himself not for the first time why it was he himself of all people who had won the heart of this impressing ancient Wraith-warrior. He was human, a simple colonel of the Air Force and sometimes annoyed his superiors more with his unconventional and undisciplined behavior than it was good for him.

Todd made his way to him across the chamber and came to halt in front of him. He laid one hand against his cheek stroking his stubbly skin with his thumb.

John felt the well-known desire and longing for his mate growing, after the last two years even stronger than at the beginning of their complicated relationship, still growing stronger with every touch and every look, as unbelievable as it seemed to be.

When Todd gently bent his head to the nap of his neck to kiss him John kissed him back with such desire and need that he surprised himself.

Todd purred delighted at his lips, it was clear that John's reaction had surprised him, too. He obviously had not expected to get such an eager response. John wrapped his arms around Todd and pressed himself close to his mate's body to let him feel his ardor and his desire.

Todd growled and lifted him up, making his way to their bed single-minded with John in his arms, unable to hold himself back any longer. John sighed and nestled against him, glad to let Todd take the lead. He had expected that Todd would be as impatient as he himself but Todd proved him that he was wrong.

Todd carefully laid him down on the mattress and sat on the edge of the bed at John's side. Then he took John's shoes off and put them to the side. After he had kicked off his own boots out of the way, he began to undress John, slowly piece for piece. John lay on the bed, looking up to his lover while Todd exposed every piece of John's skin without any haste, stroking every place and every spot he reverently had uncovered before. John lay there panting, craving to be as close to Todd as possible that it was almost hurting.

When he finally lay there, completely naked under Todd's hungry eyes, Todd stood up undressing himself hastily while it was now John's turn to stare at him with hungry glances.

The bed moved under Todd's weight as he came to John kneeling over his body. He settled his weight on his arms and bent down to kiss John, deeply and passionately. His long white hair tickled John at his neck and he moaned in their kiss trying to pull Todd closer to him.

Todd chuckled and got up to his knees, sitting on John's thighs. He looked down to him stroking his body. John squirmed underneath him.

"Todd, please!" He groaned. "Don't let me wait any longer!"

"Hm. Do you want me that bad, John Sheppard?" Todd's voice was a deep and content purring again.

"This is pretty obvious, isn't it?" John rumbled, sounding a little bit embarrassed.

Todd chuckled, contently stroking with his finger over John's throbbing member.

"It seems to be so", he admitted.

John shivered underneath him.

"Do you want me to beg?" He asked, stifled.

Todd became serious. He bent down to kiss John, tenderly.

"No, John Sheppard. You'll never have to beg", he whispered at his lips and reached for the bottle with the lube standing on the bedside table.

John tried to turn to his stomach. They did it that way most of the time and John had to admit that it was because of him.

He wanted it that way.

He had always wanted it that way.

It was easier for him this way.

In this position, he could hide his face, his emotions.

Todd had let him most of the time, but John was pretty sure that he knew the reason why John preferred this position.

This time, Todd didn't let him turn around, holding him at his arms.

"No, John. Not today. I want to look at you", he said, sincerely and intently and after one short moment of hesitation, John relaxed and stayed on his back.

Todd kissed him the whole time he carefully stretched him open and John was grateful that Todd didn't watch him while he did. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to relax and Todd seemed to sense it. Even after two years he was astonished about the fact that Todd never hurt him with his sharp nails and he was glad that he had not to do it by himself. He was aroused and eager to feel Todd deep inside him and it didn't take long before he was ready.

Todd covered him with his body making sure that John had enough space to breathe and took him with one single tender thrust, looking him deep in the eyes. John shivered with desire and arched against him.

For one moment, he could feel the well-known fears and thoughts threaten to overcome him, but he fought them, forcefully.

Todd seemed to sense his inner struggles because he stayed still looking at John without moving.

John relaxed and took a deep breath. Just about half an hour ago, he had made a decision. He wouldn't run away any longer. He looked up at Todd with a smile.

"Please", he whispered, his voice raw with ardor and need.

Todd began to move, soft and steady. He took John's hands and laced their fingers together on the pillow over John's head thrusting into him again and again while he looked at him, intently, all of the time.

John knew that the Wraith had mastered to hide his true emotions perfectly, but he had never hidden his feelings from John when they were in bed together, in opposite to John. Todd had always shown him how much John meant to him, how much he wanted him. Right now, he let John see his desire and his lust like he did every time they were together, without hesitation or holding back some of his emotions.

John looked in the golden depths of his lover's eyes and for the first time, he didn't hide his feelings, too, letting Todd see all of his wanting and longing.

Todd inhaled sharply and moved faster, aroused even more by the emotions he could see unhindered on John's face. His hold on John's hands grew stronger and John wrapped his legs around Todd's hips pushing back against his lover's body with unrestrained passion.

Panting, they came closer to the edge, gazing at each other all of the time.

John reached his climax first, arching his back with a hoarse cry overwhelmed by his lust and desire. He showed his ecstasy to Todd, didn't hold back anything as he spurted his semen between their sweat-damp bodies.

Todd growled and followed John over the edge, John could see the ecstasy and satisfaction in the golden eyes feeling his lover's orgasm deep inside him when Todd got rigid over him and then shivered through his release, forcefully.

For one long moment, time stood still and then Todd rolled to the side avoiding to crush him.

John cuddled up to him, contently. Todd gently played with his hair and John nestled closer in his arms. It was amazing how tender and gentle Wraith could be, at least his Wraith. But John had the suspicion that Raven was tender and gentle, too, proving by the happiness Cameron seemed to feel.

The thought at Cameron reminded him at something else and he swallowed and cleared his throat.

"I had a talk with Cameron today", he opened the conversation, unsure how to continue.

Todd gently pulled him closer.

"Did you tell him what it was that has bothered you so much?" Todd asked, quietly, playing softly with his hair all of the time.

"Yes, I did. Thank God, he wasn't angry at all. In fact, he really understood."

"Of course, he did. Cameron is your friend, John. He knows how hard it is for you", Todd replied, tenderly.

"Yes, he is. And I'm lucky to have such friends. He forgave me although I was such an idiot."

"Real friends do, John. You have more friends than you guess."

"Now, I know." John raised his head, settling it on one hand to look at Todd.

"He told me something more, Todd. And he's right." He hesitated for a few seconds, searching for the right words.

Todd gazed at him, musing and guardedly.

"What did he say to you, Sheppard?" He finally asked with careful impassiveness in his voice.

Suddenly, John was deeply ashamed.

He was ashamed because for two years, he had held Todd at arm's length all the time, ready to run away if things were getting too difficult.

He was ashamed because for two years, he had been such a coward, unable to take Todd as what he finally was - a telepathically Wraith.

Todd had accepted what he was right from the start - a human being -  and he had done all he could to make John comfortable and John had given him back so little.

He took a deep breath.

"He said that I should stop running away, from me, my feelings and especially from you. And he's right, Todd. I'm the greatest idiot in the whole Pegasus-galaxy and I don't deserve you." He manged a crooked smile. "But I'm really glad that you stay with me although I'm such an idiot." He became serious. "I don't want to run away any longer, Todd. And I really want to aplogize to you for being a coward and denying what I feel for the last two years."

Todd smiled, tenderly, caressing John's face.

"You're neither a coward nor an idiot, John. Compared to me, you are very very young and I already knew that right from the start. And I never was angry with you because you behaved the way you did."

"Yes, I know that, Todd. But nevertheless, I hurt you with my behavior, although I never meant to. But Cameron is right. And I want to show you how much you mean to me, how much I want you just the way you are. I know that sometimes, it seems to be different, but I really don't want to change you."

He swallowed, gliding with his finger over Todd's lips.

"I want to bond with you, Todd, completely. I mean, not only with our bodies. I want you to bond with my mind."

Finally, he had been able to say it.

John swallowed, again, waiting for Todd's reaction while Todd considered him several minutes, musing.

"Are you sure you really want to do this, John?" Todd asked after what felt like an eternity to John in a low voice.

Now, Todd was holding back his emotions, but John could sense how much he was hoping that John really meant what he had said to him.

He nodded with sincerity. "I had some time to think about it. And yes, Todd, I'm sure. I won't regret it after wards, I promise you."

For some time, he searched for the right words to say.

"The problem wasn't that I didn't trust you enough, Todd. I always knew that you would never hurt me.  The problem was that I couldn't trust myself enough. There are memories and thoughts in my head I even didn't want to admit to myself. I just wanted to forget them, pretend that they don't exist at all. Allowing you to read my mind would have meant me having to admit that those memories and thoughts exist. And I was too scared to do that. I was scared by the thought of what you would find in my head and what you would think about it.  
 Now, I know how stupid I was. And I'm really sorry for hurting you and rejecting you with those fears."

Todd smiled at him, gently, kissing John's finger on his lips.

"You don't have to apologize, John. I always understood. I never lost hope that you find out someday that you don't have to fear these things."

John looked at him with sincerity and trust.

"In the end, I did. I needed someone to push me there, but I did. Please, Todd, I want to bond with you, now."

Todd softly pressed him into the mattress and bent over him. He looked him in the eyes.

"I will stop if you want me to, John."

John gazed up to him with longing and trust.

"I know, Todd. I trust you, more than anyone else in this world. I know that you will never ever do me any harm."

"I would rather die than let anyone harm you, John", Todd replied hoarsely and John swallowed when he saw the emotions on the ancient warrior's face.

They looked each other deep in the eyes and then John could feel him in his head.

For a short moment, he didn't know what to do, but he relaxed soon, opening his mind for his lover trying to show to Todd what he really felt for him.

It was enormous, wondeful, overwhelming, just as Cameron had said to him. He always had had difficulties to find the right words, but now, being bond with Todd completely, he knew how easy it was to tell his mate what he felt for him, how much he really meant to him without spoken words. And for the first time, he realized the real depth of the Wraith's feelings for him.

Overwhelmed, he pulled Todd over his body, searching for his lips to kiss him. Todd kissed him and when he took John with one tender thrust John wrapped his arms and legs around him, trying to pull him even closer, to feel him as deep inside his body as possible until they would be just one single person.

They clung to each other sharing everything they had, their thoughts, their emotions, their lust and their pleasure.

Todd raised his head and looked at him, again. John saw the feelings in the golden cat's eyes and he could feel them in his mind. He moaned, letting Todd feel and see the same without holding anything back.

He wasn't sure if he was able to say these words to Todd someday.

But he knew that it wasn't necessary anymore. Both of them knew what they meant to each other, would always know, no matter what might happen in the future.

He also knew that they wouldn't bond this way very often, but that wasn't necessary, too.

He would want it someday, again.

And Todd would wait until he was ready, patiently.

They moved in harmony, moaning, enjoying the lust and passion they felt together, looking each other in the eyes all of the time.

Finally, they came together, sharing their ecstasy and satisfaction holding each other tight.

Cuddled up, they lay there, enjoying the afterglow of their complete bonding, waiting for their heartbeats to slow down.

John looked in Todd's golden eyes and he knew that he would never feel alone and lost again.

With a happy smile, he snuggled up in his lover's strong arms, feeling as confident and peaceful as he had never felt before.

Finally, John had found his home.


End file.
